This kind of shitty feeling has been bothering day and night, as it will kill me softly.
I just can’t take it anymore as i need to vent all out for all to someone.
As tonight as usual, my night owl buddy, BL is online, i just shared my thoughts with him and my problems that dwelling in my mind for so long , seems tie a big knot there.
After i chat with him, i feel so much better as his words do make lots of sense to me!
“as for friendship, why are you thinking so much about it? hmmm… maybe i don’t value friendship the same way you do, or you value it too much… hehe… “
“my value? hmmm… i mean i like having friends around…
but i wouldn’t cry if they choose not to be friends with me anymore… 
ppl come and go in life… no real big deal…if you are sociable, you’ll always be able to make new friends…and if you are more reclusive, erm… well, you don’t need too many friends anyway… hehehe”
“lol there’s not such thing as lose a friend that way… there are no good ways to lose a friend…lol, i live because i have other purposes in life other than just trying to make and keep friends… 
“
“friends are good to have around… but they can only be with you for maybe a couple of hours every weeks… and that’s if they are single etc… once they get into a relationship, the hours are bound to be lower…”
“yeah lar… so why get so worked up over the possibility of losing a friend… i mean you can try to work it out with him/her, but after i did what i perceive to be reasonable, it’s up to her/him to decide…”
“maybe you are being too sensitive… i don’t know what he/she said, but i don’t put too much stock in what other ppl say… “
“yeah lar… i mean if you can criticize or talk about other ppl, you’ll have to be big enough to receive criticisms etc… “
“when i mean you, i don’t mean you personally… i mean ppl in general. “
“knowing you well, means he/she has to always tell you things that you like to hear only?”
“well, in that case, you’ll have to analyse and see if what he/she said is truth…”
“and why does it upset you if all she/he is doing is tell you what he thinks?”
“well, if you are bold and straight, why would you be upset just because he said you are sarcastic?
it’s just a simple comment…”
“first of all, i don’t know what he said… secondly, i don’t know the tone when you talked to him… i mean you may sound like you are being sarcastic, for all i know…”
“lol well, are you sure you only feel for him as a friend? call me shallow or something but i have never met anyone getting upset over what a friend said etc… i mean he/she wouldn’t like what was said but nobody puts in this much time to analyse why he said this and that etc…”
“so? what if ppl say if you look like a couple? if you have no interest in him, it doesn’t matter…”
“but if you only feel that you shouldn’t be together with him cuz of the age difference, that’s just plain silly…”
“i mean if i were to find a girl younger than me, it doesn’t mean that i’m going to be happy with her…”
“the same goes with if i’m with a girl older than me, it doesn’t mean that i’m NOT going to be happy with her as well…”
“so why think about the age difference when perhaps, the more important thing you should think about if whether you like him more than just a friend…”
“it means he feels like you are treating him like a kid sometimes…”
“and that he wants you to treat him like a mature man… someone who is able to carry himself… and perhaps take care of you etc…”
“lol well, if you can’t get past the age thing, nobody can really help you… no matter what we tell you, the age difference isn’t going to be smaller… “
“so decide for yourself… find out wat you really want from him… and stick wit that decision…”
“lol forgive me for saying this but i always laugh when my friends tell me that they are haunted by their past relationships…”
“in that case, tell him once and for all, that you can only treat him as your bro and nothing more…”
“and if he can’t accept it, so be it…”
“so?let him keep quiet then…”
“i mean if he can’t accept that, there’s nothing you can do anyway…”
“yeah i know… you told me that before…”
“but why do you keep saying that ppl always comment that both of you are couples? i mean does that mean anything to you?”
“i mean like whenever i go out with a girl, or when a girl sits next to me, ppl ask us that… if it’s true, i’lll say yes… if it’s not, i’ll say no… but i wouldn’t keep thinking about what it means when ppl keep telling me that…”
“no… but from what you tell me, he seems interested… and you sound like you might be as well, if not for the age difference… but regardless, since you decide that you can only accept him as a bro, then stick with it…”
“huh? why does it matter if he pampers you or not?”
“fine… fair enough… well, for someone who only cares about him as a bro, you sure seem to care a lot about what he does or doesn’t do for you…”
“every one has to treat you the same way because of what you perceive them to be? “
“everyone is different mar…
lol i didn’t do anything… but regardless, i don’t think you should be stressed out over this…
okay mar… i have to go get some sleep now…
you take care k?
if you need any professional advice again, feel free to look me up… hehe
ahem ahem… hehe
tata… “
I hope by end of this month, there are some sun light shine on me, to clear off the dime dark cloud in days.
